Room 406, afternoon into evening

[izzyalienqueen]

Isabel has not been having the best time of it the last week or so. There'd been the horrendous trip to LA, coming back to find out that Jack was in trouble, and then fighting with Greg. The only thing that could make things worse would be a call from Max with more of his particular brand of stupidity.

Too keyed up to even attempt sleep, Isabel sat on her bed and floated the nerf balls from the day at the beach with Cedric and Jack through the air in a complicated pattern. It was easier to focus on that then think about how closely the argument she had with Greg paralleled why everyone was mad at Jack.

The door was open.

Comments

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel closed her eyes, "I wanted to. But I couldn't and I had to get us out or we would have been in her dreams when she died. I don't know what would have happened to us then."

"I didn't have to worry about the demon getting into my dreams that much. He was tied to the kids because of the ritual," she explained. "But my own nightmares....I can't stop them."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Anakin said, and he really meant that. "The things your own head can come up with can be worse that what you've actually faced."

And that was definitely the sound of experience talking.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"It's just been an endless loop, the look on her face. The way the demon laughed as he reached for her," Isabel said. "She knew. She heard me call to Angel and Logan. She knew we were leaving her."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin moved closer to Isabel. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "That's going to be hard to live with for a while, even though it was the right thing to do."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Logically I know that," Isabel said, sliding carefully off the bed to sit on the floor. "But emotionally? Yeah, it's a doozy. But I'll deal. I really don't have a choice do I?"

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin reached out to take Isabel's hand. "Not really," he said quietly. "I know some blocking techniques to make it a little eaisier to deal. They helped Angel a few months back to get some distance on a problem he was having." He bit his lip. "If you want, of course."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"If you think it'll help?" Isabel said, squeezing his hand. "I'd like to learn."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin nodded. "I've had some pretty bad nightmares in the last few months. This helps."

He blew out a breath. "Have you ever meditated before?" he asked.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Not particularly seriously," she said, smiling at the memory of Amy Deluca trying to lead Maria, Liz and herself to find their inner balance. Somehow the giggles kept them from finding it.

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"Okay," Anakin said, closing his eyes. "I want you to close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Okay," she nodded, closing her eyes and taking a slow, deep breath.

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"Now concentrate on my voice," he said, taking a few deep breaths of his own.

"Examine, release," he said. "Take a memory--not the ones that are so new and painful, then release the negative energy associated with it. Refuse to allow it to have power over you."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of memories to choose from, but despite the time that's passed, the one from her trip to Roswell in March are still too raw to face. Instead she focused on her memories of the nightmare detention, forcing herself to think it over and focus on the fact that it was only a bad dream.

"Okay," she said after a few minutes.

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"Good," Anakin said quietly. "Now you just have to work yourself up the more painful ones. Face your fears and they lose their power."

He paused. "I'm here to help if it gets too rough. Jedi calming techniques can come in handy, but I can't exactly teach those."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel sighed, opening her eyes. "It's not that I'm afraid of them, at least the old memories. It's just...they hurt. I think about stuff I should have done differently, would do differently if I had another chance. But I never will." She looked down, studying her nails. "I don't think you can do anything to take away regrets."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin gave her a sympathetic smile. "To the Jedi, it's the same thing. We don't have any attachments: to the good or the bad. We don't love, but we don't hold onto regrets, either. It's all distraction, holding us from our true purpose." He bit his lip. "In theory. I'm still working on it."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel laughed softly, remembering how she and Greg had occasionally gotten distracted. "Sometimes regrets are good. They mean when you have a similar opportunity, maybe this time you'll do the right thing." Looking over at Anakin, she smiled sadly, "Do you know when you'll be leaving?"

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin nodded. "Keep the experience, forget the emotions," he recited. "Looking back on something with clear eyes lets you see where you went wrong."

Suddenly the carpet was fascinating. "Next Tuesday," he said softly. "The Council's sending a transport."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Oh trust me, I know right where I went wrong." She reached over to pat Anakin's arm. "You're going to be missed."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"I'm going to miss you all," Anakin said to the floor. "Which isn't very Jedi of me."

He shook his head. "So what would you do differently?" he asked. He'd unconsciously slipped into the routine he and Obi-Wan had after missions.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"I won't tell anyone," Isabel promised with a small smile.

"About what happened in LA? Or everything else?" she asked. "In LA I shouldn't have gotten distracted by Angel's fight. I should have been aware of what was going on. Maybe we should have done more research before going. As for everything else? I think I regret not taking a chance with Alex the most."

[Off to deal with RL stuff. Back in an hour or two.]

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

"Being aware of everything going on during a fight takes practice," Anakin said softly. "Don't be too hard on yourself for that." He stretched his legs out. "Who's Alex?"

[OOC: *waves*]

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"I'm trying not to be. Peter already called me a hero for helping. I don't know that I'd go that far. But at least I tried to help. There was a time I wouldn't have done that."

Isabel mimicked Anakin's position leaning against the bed. "Remember my friend that got killed back in March? That was Alex." She held out her hand until one of the small framed photos on her desk floated down to it and held it out to Anakin. "That's him. He was friends with Liz and Maria, so when they found out the truth, of course he eventually did as well."

[emo-padawan.livejournal.com]

Anakin smiled. "We do what we do and let other people decide what to call it," he said. "At least that's what Obi-Wan says."

He took the picture. "He looks like a nice guy," he said finally. "Happy." He tilted his head to look at Isabel. "How did he take the news?"

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"He was. Happy, sweet, funny," Isabel smiled, remembering. "In the beginning he had questions. Who wouldn't? But it didn't matter to him, what I was. He liked me, for me."